Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
