her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my being single is dangerous.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
