Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
