i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
