I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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