it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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