this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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