i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
