pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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