I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
