I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
