she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
