Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
