I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
