do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
