i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
