Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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