Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my shit smells like andre
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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