i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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