no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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