he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
