her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
