He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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