True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
