Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
