Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
