Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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