Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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