I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
