I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
