I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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