Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
