I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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