I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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