Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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