Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
