clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
