Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
