cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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