I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
