This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
