Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
