I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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