help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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