The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
