There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
