did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
