wrigley field is MILF paradise
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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