you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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