we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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