I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
