There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
