I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
